Present Perfect

"if you’re going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn’t, don’t say it. Don’t, for example, give advice."

Susan Silk's Ring Theory is a helpful model to navigate what not to say during times of grief and traumatic events.

Picture a center ring, and inside it the people most affected by what's going on. Picture a larger circle around it, with inside it the people closest to those in the center. Repeat outwards.

The person in the center ring can say anything they want to anyone, anywhere.
Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in the larger outside rings. Otherwise, you support and comfort.

Now, consider where in this diagram you are, and where the people you are talking to are.

"Comfort IN, dump OUT."

This model applies in other situations - for example, managers are better off complaining to their own managers or peers, while supporting their own reports and absorbing their complaints with empathy and compassion.

Taken from The Playlist - a curated perspective on the intersection of form and content (subscribe, discuss)

"if you’re going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn’t, don’t say it. Don’t,...